As promised, here is the first of what is hopefully many entries to come about my job.

I suppose I should start with an intro to get things started. I work at a private owned local pet store, so we take pretty decent care of our animals in comparison to those big corporate mega giants like petsmart or petco.
We carry pretty much any pet you would care to have. Reptiles, birds, spiders, scorpions, dogs, cats, rodents, ferrets, you name it we probably sell it (within reason, no monkies or any wierd shit like that). I have been working there for about a month and a half and half already been made manager.

TODAY I GOT SHAT ON
The day started pretty shitty. I got to work early expecting to get shit done before the typical morning rush. We have a tradition that the lowest ranking person (IE newest) has to do dogs. What that means is baisically this.
We have about 16 or so dog kennels that need cleaning each morning. This involves shoveling out piss soaked wood chips and scrapping dog shit off the ceiling of the kennel (the dogs like to play and fling their shit all about the cage). Since its normaly the shittiest job (hahaha pun) we reserve it for the lowest ranking person, it also takes really long.
However today I opened and was told we were having a new girl come in who was already trained on how to do the dogs, so i said i would wait a few minutes for her to show up. 10 minutes pass and she isnt arriving and the dogs are getting antsy and flinging shitty woodchips all over the place. Marsha has already started doing other maintinence tasks and Laurie is complaining that she has an eye problem and cant be near woodchips. So im stuck doing dogs. I finish in about an hour which is pretty damn fast. As im finishing new girl arrives and spends the rest of the day being a stupid teenager bimbo girl avoiding all assinged work i give her.
NOW FOR THE INTRESTING PART
We have in our store a huge fucking Iguana. He is about 5 foot 6 with tail and weighs about 25 pounds. He is in a big ass cage right in fron tof the store, and it still amazes me the number of fucking twits that dont see him. Honestly how do you miss something that big sitting in a 6 foot glass cage right when you walk in. Anyway on nice sunny days when all maintinence is done I sometimes will take the iguana, "Carl" , outside into the courtyard of the shopping center we are in to get some real sunlight. He fucking loves his real sunlight. Sometimes I even walk around the grocery store next door with him and freak people out but he gets cold and starts scratching the living daylights out of me. So today its nice out, so I muscle him out of his cage (when a huge iguana dosent want to be taken out of his cage, its like pulling teeth out of a shark, he scratches and thrashes about but once you get him out he is fine) and take him outside. I can immeadiatly feel him relax and calm down and loosen his death grip on my throat which he seems to love having (he has 1.5 inch nails that are pretty fucking sharp, so I try to avoid his feet near my jugular, but sadly he is most comfortable in that position). I get the usual oohs and ahhss from people walking by when all of the sudden *PPPPBBBTTTSHLIBBBTRT* he unleashes a stinky hot explosions of shit, piss, and whatever other ungodly fluids come out of a defecating iguana, all over me. Im drenched in iguana guano and dont have a change of clothes. Now iguanas are vegetarians so thank god all the solids were just plant fiber, but it takes them a good 3 minutes to really finish shitting. So i need to stand out there with a 25 pound reptile who is launching torrential downpours of liquidy white/clear/mauve funk juice all over me. When he is done realiving himself i take him back him stick him back in his cage, swear he has a big accomplished grin on his face, and head for the bathroom before anyone sees me. I end up having to soak my shirt in the sink with dishwashing soap and wring it dry, then use reptile heat lamps to dry it off.
I spent most of the day in a soggy shirt, but only one person commented on it and I said i had a problem filling one of the fish tanks.

Fucking Iguana, I swear he planned the whole thing.